One of Those Days
by lilyofthevalley2
Summary: Hanatarou is sent to bring Ukitake in for his annual physical. But nothing ever goes as planned.  Some language.


As assignments go, this wasn't one of the worst he could have gotten, Hanatarou thought as he adjusted his healer's pack slightly so the strap wasn't digging into his shoulder so much. Now, one of the vials in the pack was digging into his chest instead. Hanatarou smiled a little at a sparrow that flew to the ground, pecked at a seed, chirped at him, and flew away. "Ah, you're right, sparrow-san. I shouldn't be gloomy on such a fine day." And it was a lovely spring day—late enough in the year that it was warm without being hot, and that the flowers were in full bloom. Which also meant that it was time for the captains to get their annual physical checkup, something most of them tried to get out of any way they could (with the exception of the soutaichou, who probably wanted to set a good example, and Hitsugaya-taichou, who was waiting eagerly for some sign of his growth spurt).

_Actually, it could have been much, much worse, _thought Hanatarou. He could have been assigned to Soi Fon-taichou. He shuddered at the very thought. That unfortunate healer was liable to be ambushed or used as target practice by half the rank and file of second, not to mention what Soi Fon-taichou herself might do if she were in a particularly bad mood. Or he could have been assigned to Kurotsuchi-taichou. While Unohana-taichou had made it clear that her squad members were _not_ to be used as test subjects, there were many other ways Twelfth Division could make their lives very exciting. Not to mention that Kurotsuchi insisted that a checkup was a moot point, since he hardly had normal organs anymore, and wasn't likely to be affected by any disease Fourth Division had ever heard of (Hanatarou agreed, but Unohana-taichou insisted it set a bad precedent not to do the checkup). By comparison, Kyouraku-taichou's antics were relatively tame; he came along well enough, but tried to get a cute female healer (or several) to do the check-up, preferably in their underwear.

Of course, it went without saying that the worst assignment would have been Zaraki-taichou. However, Unohana-taichou saw to him personally. No one knew what she said or did, but he always came back with her, and left with an odd look on his face and a faint touch of color in his cheeks.

Hanatarou thought it was probably best not to think about it too much.

As he left the boundaries of Fourth Division, Hanatarou looked around warily. Outside their division, members of his squad were liable to be bullied at the slightest opportunity, and for whatever reason, he seemed to be a bigger target than most. The passing shinigami seemed disinterested in him for the moment, though, so he strode through the streets as fast as he could, slipping into flash-step for a few paces when he could. He wasn't very good at it, or very fast, but he could usually manage a few steps before he lost it. He had to be careful when he stopped so he didn't lose his balance. Thirteenth was quite a ways away, so it would take him the better part of an hour to get there at his usual pace.

For once, his luck was pretty good. It held out almost until he arrived at Thirteenth. Just a small distance from the edge of Thirteenth, though, he heard someone mockingly call out "Hey, runt. You lost or something?" Hanatarou dared a glance back. There were five of them, unranked shinigami, and presumably Third Division, since that's where he was at the moment. He swallowed loudly and they laughed.

"A-ah, I'm just going to Thirteenth," he stammered.

They laughed. "Think they'll take runts like you in Thirteenth? I doubt it," the leader quipped. "But I suppose we can take you there, for a toll."

Hanatarou shook his head so hard he thought it might fall off. "I know how to find it," he insisted.

They laughed, and it was the threatening kind of laugh that meant trouble for him. "Oh, we insist," the leader said. Hanatarou sprinted away, using as much flash-step as he could, and zipping around corners as fast as he could manage. They were hot on his heels, though, and he could hear them shouting at him to stop. _Not much longer,_ he thought, as he panted desperately. He wouldn't be able to keep this pace up for long, and they were catching up to him. Suddenly, he saw the gates of Thirteenth ahead, and put on a last burst of speed as he skidded through them. He wasn't going to stop there, but up ahead he saw Kuchiki Rukia, who waved at him.

"Hey, Hanatarou," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

She looked over as the group of bullies came charging down the street towards him. Rukia rolled her eyes and stepped forward. "Bakudo 8, Seki!" she shouted, throwing a shield at the group of them that threw them back to groan on the ground, temporarily paralyzed. She brushed her hands together and looked at Hanatarou, who stared at her, amazed. "Why didn't you just use kido on them? Your kido's probably better than theirs. You're a healer, after all."

Hanatarou rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah…I guess I didn't think about it."

"Anyway, why are you here?" she asked.

"Ah, I have to get Ukitake-taichou to come in for his physical," he explained.

Rukia said, "Oh, he's not in right now, I'm afraid. He went to meet Kyouraku-taichou for lunch, I think." Hanatarou blanched. Eighth Division was some distance away, and the only route there that wouldn't take him all day was through Eleventh Division. Rukia seemed to see his concern, because she asked, "Do you want me to come along?"

Hanatarou shook his head and flailed a little. "Ah, no, Rukia-san! I couldn't put you to all that trouble. I'll be all right." He tried to look brave and tough…it probably didn't work very well.

"All right, if you're sure," Rukia said, looking concerned. He almost wished she'd insist, but it really wasn't right to take her from her duties just because he was nervous. After all, she was a fukutaichou; she had much better things to do.

He nodded and bowed. "I'll be all right. Thank you for your help, Rukia-san." She inclined her head in return and he headed out the gates of Thirteenth once again.

Hanatarou took his time crossing Eleventh Division, using the shortcuts he knew, and staying in the shadows. It helped that most squad members there weren't too careful about their reiatsu, so they weren't hard to detect. In fact, he thought he might get through it without incident, until…

"HI, HANA-CHAN!"

Hanatarou wished to whatever gods there might be that the ground would just swallow him up and be done with it already. "Hello, Kusajishi-fukutaichou," he said, in the kind of tone a man who's just been condemned to death might use.

"Hey, hey, Hana-chan. Where ya going?"

He sighed deeply, any hopes he'd had of getting away unscathed shattering. "I'm going to Eighth to find Ukitake-taichou and tell him it's time for his checkup."

She laughed and jumped down in front of him. "But that's silly. Uki-uki doesn't live in Eighth. He lives in Thirteenth."

"I know," explained Hanatarou. "But he's visiting Kyouraku-taichou right now."

"Ooh!" she said, apparently satisfied with the explanation. "Hey, do you have any candy, Hana-chan?"

Hanatarou shook his head. It wasn't like he carried candy on a regular basis; his salary was modest, and he didn't have much of a sweet tooth. "I'm afraid not. Perhaps…"

But he was interrupted by her snatching his satchel and looking through it. "Silly, Hana-chan, everybody should have some candy! Oh, here we go!"

He saw the small round object in her hand and tried to lunge for it. "Wait, Kusajishi-fukutaichou, that's…"

It was too late. She popped the energy pill into her mouth, and for an instant, time seemed to stop. Then, a huge grin appeared on her face.

"!"

_Oh dear_, he thought. There was nothing for it but to run in the other direction as fast as he could before someone else caught him…and hope like crazy that Zaraki-taichou never found out where she got that 'candy'. Fear seemed to give his feet wings, and he found himself at the gates of Eighth Division, where Ukitake-taichou was just waving good-bye to Kyouraku-taichou. "Ukitake-taichou!" he gasped out.

Ukitake looked at him with surprised concern. "Ah, what is it? Are you all right, Yamada-san?"

"Yes, sir! But it's time for your physical!" he gasped out.

Ukitake gave his best friend a rueful look and nodded. "Very well, Yamada-san. I'm all yours."

With the captain on hand, their trip back to Fourth Division was without incident. Ukitake-taichou was as healthy as could be expected, and was released with instructions (likely to be ignored) not to push himself too hard. The white-haired captain waved good bye and opened the door to go, just in time to hear a thundering, angry voice demand, "WHO THE FUCK GAVE YACHIRU STIMULANTS?"


End file.
